My Irritations, Aggravations and Inspirations

April 13, 2010 “Issues”

April 13, 2010  “Issues”
I got issues, You got issues, all God’s chur’n got issues.
Ain’t none of us what ain’t got issues!
Sorry, but just one little aside…It ain’t a beer gut if ya cain’t set a beer on it! Or at least pick it up and tuck a beer up under it!
I had to work over tonight for two hours, that’s one of my issues.  It was, therefore, a Taco Bell night; I made a run for the border.  Which border, I do not know…maybe the one on insanity; No passport required for that border crossing.
My hair fell out a long time ago and I have hardly missed it; except on cold winter days and nights, when I have to wear this silly looking fleece toboggan…warms me up though, like a head full of thick wavy hair…I guess.
My hair fell out right before I got fat.  I think my body compensated for the loss of the hair and it’s insulating qualities by insulating my body with nice, thick layer of wavy fat!  Mother Nature’s way of saying she loves you, kinda like Polar Bear fur or those weird second eyelids crocodiles have.
I’m gonna hire a tiny crew of domestics, or rather, a crew of tiny domestics.  I need a Back Mower, a Scalp Buffer, an Eyebrow Trimmer, a Nose Miner, and an Ear Gardner.  Even though the economy is in the crapper, I know I can keep these little workers busy as bees because I got more shi…crap growing in, on, and out of me than a kennel full of Chia Pets!
I was gonna go off on Jamie Oliver and his Food Revolution, but SCREW Jamie Oliver…aren’t there any fat kids in England for him to berate?
Anyway….I had to work over tonight.
Just Say’n

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