May 23, 2010 “Trouble with Bumbles”
May 23, 2010 “Trouble with Bumbles”
The Cedar Brook (She’s a 1988 14X70 SingleWide with a Dream Kitchen and Glamour Bath I tell ya what) nestled quaintly on lot 11 in the “Hamlet” has been in need of some plumbing repair for some time. Today was the day I had decided to execute the needed repairs. The problem with this particular undertaking is the location of the problem and the logistics required to perform the task; the work must be carried out in a confined space of limited vertical headroom. That limit being approximately 17 inches from ground to what is essentially a virtual ceiling, made by the underside framework of the Cedar Brook. I first had to negotiate my rather large frame into this dank, dark, muddy space by lying on my back and shoulder-crawling my way back to the area I suspected held the offending pipes. When my goal was reached I knew then that I had correctly predicted the location of the leak. I quickly ascertained the materials I would need to accomplish the corrective action required and proceeded to extricate myself from the tight quarters using a combination shoulder/butt crawl. As I was making my egress from the dirty, dim darkness, I noticed a Bumblebee crawling along the ground near where my feet had been while I was lying on my back; I grabbed the bee with my gloved hand and killed it…I don’t like Bumbles and their ilk. I thought nothing else of the bee as I made my way into the Cedar Brook to procure the needed supplies from my substantial stores of trailer plumbing parts. When I had found what I needed I headed back outside with complete confidence that I would be done with my repair in a very few minutes. As I knelt down to begin my ingress into the work zone I noticed another Bumblebee flying low to the ground and then alighting and crawling towards an old roll of fiberglass insulation about three feet away. Upon noticing this new bee, I took a look around to scout for more and sure enough there were several more of them buzzing around as if they were waiting their turn at something. As it turned out, the bees were looking for the place where they normally went through the underpinning in order to crawl back to their nest which, as it turns out, is situated in the roll of insulation. The fact that a colony of large black and yellow bumblebees was located about 6 feet from where I would be working gave me pause. During this pause I determined it would be unwise to carry out the repairs in such limited space with a pack of wild Bumblebees in such close proximity. I decided to exterminate this rogue band of Bumbles in order to facilitate the repairs in relative safety. I waited until just after sundown to make my attack; all the really successful attacks in the movies come after sundown. My plan called for a two pronged attack; the initial sortie would be a strategic chemical attack to knock out their main defenses and, hopefully, confuse the chain of command giving me both the strategic and tactical advantage; the second prong would come in the form of physical perimeter breach followed by close combat search and destroy. D-Hour for phase one was 0130Z. From an estimated 2.6 meters I deployed a deadly aerosol mixture of tetramethrin and peremethrin directly into the enemy compound until all stores were exhausted…the effect was immediate and debilitating to the Bumbles. Not one unit made a successful escape during this initial attack. With the success of this first wave, I made an in the field tactical command decision to proceed with a modified second prong attack; I decided to continue the chemical attack, thus ensuring no need for close quarters combat with the weakened, but still formidable enemy. I deployed a mass barrage of dihydrogen monoxide to the enemy’s stronghold in sufficient quantities to kill nearly every last one of the combatants…there were no visible or verifiable survivors. Hostilities ceased at 0200Z. As I called off the attack I felt like I needed to pin up a banner that read “Mission Accomplished”, but did not, for I feared that kind of hubris might come back to sting me in the ass!
I’ll go back in tomorrow to complete my repairs and, hopefully, the old Cedar Brook will back in top order and Bumble-free.