June 12, 2010 “Honestly folks…”
June 12, 2010 “Honestly folks…”
Everyone wants honesty.
We all want others to be honest with us, or so we say. “Honesty is the best policy” has been preached to us from the time we were children. There was George Washington who could not tell a lie, and Honest Abe Lincoln for role models; even Opie Taylor and “Beaver” Cleaver were icons of honesty.
Being honest is the high road, and, at one point or another, in one way or another, the kudos always come to the one that takes that path. The person that tells the truth is considered to be the good guy.
This all works great in a purely academic manner for the mundane interpersonal relationships of daily public life. People should be honest. They shouldn’t cheat others, or lie to them.
We all know this, and I’m sure that all five or six readers of this tiny blog are as honest as the day is long, and live an exemplary lifestyle of honesty and integrity.
Personal relationships, on the other hand, have an entirely different set of rules added onto the general rules of honesty…herein lies the rub.
We all want honesty from our significant other, our spouse, or our lover, whichever the case may be. We have all, at one time or another, been struck in the face with dishonesty in one form or another. Most of us have, at some point in our life, been the source of dishonesty: I’ve done it all in my life, been the good guy and the bad one. I’ve been honest most of the time, but I have been as dishonest as any at other times.
We all say we long for that honesty in our relationships, but what we really want, most of the time, is loyalty, or fidelity; if they’re loyal to us then they are honest with us…right? Fidelity can be kept without honesty. Fidelity is one person’s decision to be faithful or loyal to another; it’s that simple. This discussion isn’t about fidelity. For my purpose here, fidelity is a given.
Honesty, however, between two people in a committed relationship is a different story. It’s a two way street if there ever was one. Being truthful to your lover is a big deal, one should always be honest about every aspect of your relationship; we all know this. Being honest and telling the truth is the easy part. The one simply does his best to tell the other the truth; the truth about how you feel, about what’s bothering you, about…well, about anything and everything for heaven’s sake. Don’t be afraid to say anything. Don’t be stupid either, think about it first, and determine the best way to say it, but by all means be honest and say it! You’ll find that saying the truth that’s in your heart or mind is the easy part.
The hard part is hearing the truth. The one that hears the truth has to deal with it, and sometimes the truth isn’t pretty on the surface. The one that is confronted with the ugly little truth has to either ignore it or deal with it. People that ignore the truth are making a huge mistake. When someone, your Love, is truthful with you in a sincere way… no matter how ugly or seemingly insignificant it is, choose to deal with it. It might seem to be an impossible task, but deal with these truths OBJECTIVELY. Accept and believe that the other person is saying this truth to you in an honest manner.
We can all read anything we want into anything. I have learned to try to do my best to look at my world objectively, and mostly, I’m successful. But, sometimes I really mess up royally and get my feelings hurt in a big way. I pout. I pine. I feel as if the weight of the world is pressing on my chest, and I can’t breathe; all because of something that was said or done in, what I know in the very core of my being as nothing other than, innocence. Yet, I get all bent out of shape and down in the dumps. Then the other party inevitably asks what’s wrong, and I have to be honest and tell the other person why I’m so down and why I feel like I do, even though I know it’s a completely silly and selfish reason. Then, she, yes, she has to deal with the ugly little truth of some petty jealousy or insecurity that I have concocted…it may be a concoction all together, but it became a real issue the second I acknowledged it in my mind. She can ignore it, and pretend it doesn’t matter, but that does me a disservice, and in the long run, her too. She can choose to hear me in Love, and objectively see the issue, not be offended by it, or angry, or condescending about it, but lovingly hear me out. Ultimately, because she chose to trust me to be honest with her, and she chose to honestly listen to me, the bond between us is strengthened, another avenue of trust is formed, and doors of opportunity are propped open so that, in the future, we will have complete access to all the possibilities and joys of an honest relationship.
Honestly, honesty isn’t easy, but if we can learn to be honest and honestly accept honesty…our relationships will last a lifetime.