My Irritations, Aggravations and Inspirations

September 8, 2010 “cold silence”

A string of three Tanka, not traditional, but holding to the basic 31 beat form.

For OneShot Wednesday

“cold silence”

__

she is receding

into the living cosmos

featureless and cold

her lips move but make no sound

her eyes no longer gleaming

__

she walks the ether

treading in angelic paths

ice tears on her cheek

seraphically condescends

to turn her face to the sun

__

still for a moment

the pain angels cannot feel

falls across her face

a veil of aching silence

stealing from her, I Love You

____

©tlh 9/8/2010

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38 responses

  1. Painfully beautiful, Tracy. I especially like her condescension.

    September 8, 2010 at 1:44 am

    • Thank you, Cindy. She had to step down to allow the light to expose her pain to the poet…to let him see her as she was.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:10 pm

  2. KB

    Heartbreaking yet beautiful.

    September 8, 2010 at 1:52 am

    • Thanks for reading, and for the kind words 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:11 pm

  3. Nice!

    September 8, 2010 at 4:11 am

  4. Your words touched my heart Tracy…so sad and beautiful at the same time:) Great One Shot 🙂 ~ Red x

    September 8, 2010 at 4:48 am

    • Thanks, Red…you know what the inspiration was, so your comment is much appreciated. 😉

      September 8, 2010 at 8:14 pm

  5. that lasat line was sharp as a dagger tracy…there is a beautiful sadness in your words….nice one shot.

    September 8, 2010 at 5:57 am

    • Thank you, Brian. Your visits and comments are a pleasure to me.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:15 pm

  6. Tanka you very much for these!

    September 8, 2010 at 12:55 pm

  7. The pain angels cannot feel crosses her face — that is beautiful. Well done.

    September 8, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    • Thank you very much, I’m pleased that you enjoyed.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:17 pm

  8. Angelic and extremely tight. The form fits the subject very well. I like the flow of the poem too. One’s mind won’t stop considering the next adventure especially when a mate precedes us. Well done. Thank you. Gay (@beachanny)

    September 8, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    • Thank you for your visit, and for the kind, well thought comment.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:19 pm

  9. Such a deep pain expressed in these lines…beautiful…but painful…a well crafted poem.

    September 8, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    • I saw the pain in a dear friend, and I tried my best to express what I saw in a poetic manner…I am pleased by your comment, for I know I was successful. Thank you.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:23 pm

  10. there’s always a sense of sadness in your poems – but i very much like the style you write – very sensitive and emotional – you have a feeling for other peoples moods – great one shot tracy

    September 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    • Thank you, Claudia; I’m flattered by your comment. And, thanks for reading enough to gain such a feel for my work…that makes me quite proud. 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:27 pm

  11. Pained and hurt… just waiting to be told… but how long will that wait last? When will the shroud be removed? A sad and beautiful poem, Tracy…

    “her lips move but make no sound” – you very well know what this could have reminded me of…don’t you now? 🙂

    Oh yes, she sat there, comfortably numbed by the fading light, the dull pain, the sinking heart… (sigh)

    September 8, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    • She will see her way to remove the veil, find her voice, and regain her “I Love You” The first step was turning her face to the sun…

      When I was thinking of how to paint the image of her at a distance with nothingness between us…the line you allude to was my very first thought…so I had to use receding 😉

      I enjoy your visits and comments, My “Pink” Friend 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:37 pm

  12. signed .............bkm

    the pain angels cannot feel…that is a line to ponder …very nice…bkm

    September 8, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    • I reckon angels would sometimes give their wings to feel Love, and consequently, the pain that goes with it; it’s one of the wonderful things about being human. Thank you for reading, and for giving time to comment.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:41 pm

  13. Love this lovely love piece… i must admit

    😉

    September 8, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    • I love that you love the lovely love piece 😉 Thanks for reading and commenting.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm

  14. Lovely. Simply and elegant, and so filled with regret. I have so many times thought that the saddest words in the world were “if only.” You know.

    September 8, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    • I do know…I hope to keep my “if onlys” to a minimum, and the “why nots” to a maximum. Thank you, Patti, you are a beautiful gem to me 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:47 pm

  15. Last line is amazing, and they ones leading up to it were my favorite… “the pain angels cannot feel / falls across her face / a veil of aching silence” Excellent expression of complex emotions.

    September 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm

  16. Thank you, Adam. Your kind comments are very much sought and appreciated.

    September 8, 2010 at 8:51 pm

  17. moondustwriter

    Love the last lines as well. I feel her pain, sorrow, and separation.
    that last expression of “I love You” rings loud and clear doesn’t it??

    I love your poetry Tracy in it’s pursuit of feeling

    Glad you came by One Shot

    moon smiles

    September 8, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    • Thank you so very much for your kind comments, and for giving your time to visit. I’m glad to be a part of One Shot 🙂

      September 9, 2010 at 10:38 pm

  18. beautifully woven tale,
    there is truth, beauty, and hope in every ending…

    masterful job!
    🙂

    September 8, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    • Thank you, Jingle, you are a tireless supporter and that means a great deal to me 🙂 You know it…I know it…YOU ROCK! 🙂

      September 9, 2010 at 10:40 pm

  19. and then i read this which has knocked my socks off…breathtaking, beautiful..well written..look forward to seeing so much more …cheers pete

    September 9, 2010 at 11:43 am

    • Thank you again, Pete. I’m very happy you give your time to visit me here. 🙂

      September 9, 2010 at 9:56 pm

  20. such numinosity captured and saturated with such sadness. Beautiful!

    September 9, 2010 at 12:46 pm

  21. You certainly know how to make a comment count…Thank You very much. I’m very happy you came by to visit. 🙂

    September 9, 2010 at 10:43 pm

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