My Irritations, Aggravations and Inspirations

September 8, 2010 “cold silence”

A string of three Tanka, not traditional, but holding to the basic 31 beat form.

For OneShot Wednesday

“cold silence”


she is receding

into the living cosmos

featureless and cold

her lips move but make no sound

her eyes no longer gleaming


she walks the ether

treading in angelic paths

ice tears on her cheek

seraphically condescends

to turn her face to the sun


still for a moment

the pain angels cannot feel

falls across her face

a veil of aching silence

stealing from her, I Love You


©tlh 9/8/2010


38 responses

  1. Painfully beautiful, Tracy. I especially like her condescension.

    September 8, 2010 at 1:44 am

    • Thank you, Cindy. She had to step down to allow the light to expose her pain to the poet…to let him see her as she was.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:10 pm

  2. KB

    Heartbreaking yet beautiful.

    September 8, 2010 at 1:52 am

    • Thanks for reading, and for the kind words 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:11 pm

  3. Nice!

    September 8, 2010 at 4:11 am

  4. Your words touched my heart Tracy…so sad and beautiful at the same time:) Great One Shot 🙂 ~ Red x

    September 8, 2010 at 4:48 am

    • Thanks, Red…you know what the inspiration was, so your comment is much appreciated. 😉

      September 8, 2010 at 8:14 pm

  5. that lasat line was sharp as a dagger tracy…there is a beautiful sadness in your words….nice one shot.

    September 8, 2010 at 5:57 am

    • Thank you, Brian. Your visits and comments are a pleasure to me.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:15 pm

  6. Tanka you very much for these!

    September 8, 2010 at 12:55 pm

  7. The pain angels cannot feel crosses her face — that is beautiful. Well done.

    September 8, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    • Thank you very much, I’m pleased that you enjoyed.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:17 pm

  8. Angelic and extremely tight. The form fits the subject very well. I like the flow of the poem too. One’s mind won’t stop considering the next adventure especially when a mate precedes us. Well done. Thank you. Gay (@beachanny)

    September 8, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    • Thank you for your visit, and for the kind, well thought comment.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:19 pm

  9. Such a deep pain expressed in these lines…beautiful…but painful…a well crafted poem.

    September 8, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    • I saw the pain in a dear friend, and I tried my best to express what I saw in a poetic manner…I am pleased by your comment, for I know I was successful. Thank you.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:23 pm

  10. there’s always a sense of sadness in your poems – but i very much like the style you write – very sensitive and emotional – you have a feeling for other peoples moods – great one shot tracy

    September 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    • Thank you, Claudia; I’m flattered by your comment. And, thanks for reading enough to gain such a feel for my work…that makes me quite proud. 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:27 pm

  11. Pained and hurt… just waiting to be told… but how long will that wait last? When will the shroud be removed? A sad and beautiful poem, Tracy…

    “her lips move but make no sound” – you very well know what this could have reminded me of…don’t you now? 🙂

    Oh yes, she sat there, comfortably numbed by the fading light, the dull pain, the sinking heart… (sigh)

    September 8, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    • She will see her way to remove the veil, find her voice, and regain her “I Love You” The first step was turning her face to the sun…

      When I was thinking of how to paint the image of her at a distance with nothingness between us…the line you allude to was my very first thought…so I had to use receding 😉

      I enjoy your visits and comments, My “Pink” Friend 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:37 pm

  12. signed .............bkm

    the pain angels cannot feel…that is a line to ponder …very nice…bkm

    September 8, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    • I reckon angels would sometimes give their wings to feel Love, and consequently, the pain that goes with it; it’s one of the wonderful things about being human. Thank you for reading, and for giving time to comment.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:41 pm

  13. Love this lovely love piece… i must admit


    September 8, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    • I love that you love the lovely love piece 😉 Thanks for reading and commenting.

      September 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm

  14. Lovely. Simply and elegant, and so filled with regret. I have so many times thought that the saddest words in the world were “if only.” You know.

    September 8, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    • I do know…I hope to keep my “if onlys” to a minimum, and the “why nots” to a maximum. Thank you, Patti, you are a beautiful gem to me 🙂

      September 8, 2010 at 8:47 pm

  15. Last line is amazing, and they ones leading up to it were my favorite… “the pain angels cannot feel / falls across her face / a veil of aching silence” Excellent expression of complex emotions.

    September 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm

  16. Thank you, Adam. Your kind comments are very much sought and appreciated.

    September 8, 2010 at 8:51 pm

  17. moondustwriter

    Love the last lines as well. I feel her pain, sorrow, and separation.
    that last expression of “I love You” rings loud and clear doesn’t it??

    I love your poetry Tracy in it’s pursuit of feeling

    Glad you came by One Shot

    moon smiles

    September 8, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    • Thank you so very much for your kind comments, and for giving your time to visit. I’m glad to be a part of One Shot 🙂

      September 9, 2010 at 10:38 pm

  18. beautifully woven tale,
    there is truth, beauty, and hope in every ending…

    masterful job!

    September 8, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    • Thank you, Jingle, you are a tireless supporter and that means a great deal to me 🙂 You know it…I know it…YOU ROCK! 🙂

      September 9, 2010 at 10:40 pm

  19. and then i read this which has knocked my socks off…breathtaking, beautiful..well written..look forward to seeing so much more …cheers pete

    September 9, 2010 at 11:43 am

    • Thank you again, Pete. I’m very happy you give your time to visit me here. 🙂

      September 9, 2010 at 9:56 pm

  20. such numinosity captured and saturated with such sadness. Beautiful!

    September 9, 2010 at 12:46 pm

  21. You certainly know how to make a comment count…Thank You very much. I’m very happy you came by to visit. 🙂

    September 9, 2010 at 10:43 pm

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